My Cousin Angie – a story of survival

1 03 2011

When I was a senior in High School, I worked at the local mall – about eight stores total, in La Porte, IN.   I worked for a little dress shop called Stuart’s.  It would be comparable to a Forever 21 today. I loved it. Every paycheck bought me new clothes from the store where I worked for $3.75 an hour. I did get a 30% discount off anything I bought, but still – I wasn’t the best as saving, obviously. I had the world by the tail and was loving life.

One evening, when I was working the 5-9 shift, I received a phone call from my mom. Pre-mobile phone days, so she had called on the store land line. Pretty much a no-no – NO personal calls, right? I took the call while my boss stared me down. My mom proceeded to tell me that my cousin Angela had been in a terrible car accident.   I started to shake and I feared the worst. She was still alive, but it was very, very bad. I cannot emphasize how bad. It was as bad as it could get without it being the worst. My boss watched the unfolding of Rayanne right before her and she knew I was devastated. She withheld the “no personal call” scolding and sent me home.

Angela and I had grown up living close to each other, our families spending one or two Sundays a month together, and many weekend nights at each other’s house. My cousin Angie was a style icon to me… I loved the way she dressed and how easily she was put together.   I can remember like it was yesterday, standing in her bathroom giggling and brushing our teeth as we prepared for an all night gab fest – she turned to me and said, “You know you can put toothpaste on zits and it will clear them up?”  Angie was always a wealth of just such information. She was an entrepreneur at a very young age. When her family moved to UT after spending all of her life in California, Angela found a way to stay in tough with her contacts and friends on the West Coast. She got into cross-state merchandising at the ripe old age of 17. She purchased items in UT and then drove into California and sold them for a profit. But one such trip brought the afore-mentioned tragedy.

Angie had a terribly long recovery. She was in, what was termed, a “walking coma.” And when she awoke, she had a rebirth. She started her life over – literally.   Angela,then and now, is one of the most loving people you could ever meet. I had been thinking about her a bit when my Aunt sent over an email with news about The Waifs, an Australian band that my cousin’s (Angie’s younger brother, Mat) wife is part of. Vikki Thorn, Mat’s wife and mother of his two children (one more on the way!)  has a haunting voice and so captured the essence of Angela in a song of that title that I had to share it here. Please visit The Waif’s site for their new album, Temptation and have a free listen to “Angela.” (click on the golden arrow next to “Angela”)

I love you Angie.  I love you, Aunt Joanne and Uncle Chuck.  Life is not always easy but the rewards are sweet and sure for those who joyfully endure.

If you are lucky enough to have an incredible life of health, love, and peace – you are lucky enough. Enjoy!

by rayannethorn


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Categories : Family, Heart, Personal Development, Premiere, Thoughtful

The Phoenix Thinks, Part 8

28 02 2011
“Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education alone will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.”

-Calvin Coolidge

Leaders are born. Leaders are developed. Leaders are necessary. Leaders are different than managers. Leaders provide a vision and direction necessary for companies, teams, departments, individuals to move forward. Hundreds of books are written every years regarding leadership in business. We hear about thought leaders, we refer to them, we listen to them, we engage with them, we ask them to speak at conferences and we often disagree with them.

The purpose of a thought leader may be just that- to inspire thought, to drive discussion, and controversy. It is through debate, it is through argument that change takes place or we work better or relationships become stronger. I have spoken to so many individuals over the last couple of years that have clearly stated how they do not want to be referred to as a thought leader. A Thought Leader versus a Doer – can be controversial in itself.

In our industry, there are certainly thought leaders and influencers that step out on limbs all the time with the goal to start conversations, to keep the industry evolving or innovating. And are they really taken seriously? And is the information dispersed even valid when the disperser is a thought leader, not a doer? Experts and Gurus abound. What is it exactly that creates these experts, is it merely because they are followed, that their words are retweeted, that the halls are packed during their presentations? Is it because they had lengthy, successful careers in the fields we reside? Is it because they can write or say pretty words?

Is it because they are persistent? Does persistence truly pay off? Is it because they are talented or a genius? Is it because they have the alphabet soup after their names that denote years residing in academia or is their determination alone the catalyst that propels them into thought leadership?

I think that thought leaders, more than thinking, like to share, to educate, to write, to talk. They inspire thought. Successful people think before they do. There may be the random, recorded successes that occurred following a gut response or instant decision but was it really instant? Gut responses are developed as a result of experience and education . So, somewhere, at some point, thought took place. What thought leaders pass along actually transmits motivation to do work better, smarter.

And the Phoenix still flies.

© by rayannethorn


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“Find Your One Thing” – The Phoenix Infection, Part 5

4 11 2010

We spend our days working toward something, trying to be successful, trying to make a difference, achieving something bigger, greater than ourselves. Maybe that is too great of an assumption. Of course, not everyone is working toward greatness. Many give up, many assume they cannot achieve it, and many are stunted by lack of leadership. Those who need a nudge are not always in the right place at the right time to receive it from the right person. I suppose I am one of the lucky ones.

For most of my work life, I have been led by leaders that were good at what they did and enjoyed their work. And when they no longer enjoyed it, they changed it up and tried something new, something different. I was a young high school graduate – only seventeen years old. And when I was just eighteen, I finished a certificated dental assisting program at Indiana University. It was grueling. Seriously; not kidding. Forty hours a week for three semesters that included such hits as Oral Anatomy, Oral Pathology, Radiography, Behavioral Science, Dental Therapeutics and Emergency Medicine, the list goes on. It was tough and I worked hard. But by the time I was nineteen, I had jumped in, feet first, and joined the adult world of working forty hours a week and paying bills.

I bought a car from my parents and had my own land phone (way pre-cell phone.) I purchased independent health and life insurance; those benefits are rarely provided by dentists to their employees. I think the only thing I didn’t pay for myself was car insurance; luckily, my parents kept me on the policy because it was the most affordable option and I was very thankful. The first dentist I worked for was very good at what he did, but he didn’t like it much. He only became a dentist to pay the bills but he was extremely smart and he managed his practice well; selling it and leaving the field completely after twenty-five years. When he retired? He became a substitute teacher at the local junior high and coached after school sports – basketball. He went from making an extremely good living to barely making minimum wage and he loved it. He had found his one thing.

I have written before about finding your one thing – the thing that gets you up in the morning, that gets your motor running, that motivates you, that floats your boat. My one thing is just doing it better – everything. It’s not that I want to be perfect for that is impossible, I just think I can always do better, find the better way, be smarter about it, figure out a different plan, be strategic about it all. That is my one thing. What is yours? Have the leaders in your life, in your career been clear about their one thing? Have you followed the right leaders for you? It is easy to get caught up in following someone that is very charismatic or who has power and authority or money. But do those attributes make a good leader? Yes, for some, no, for others. 

 
http://www.youtube.com/v/2k1uOqRb0HU&hl=en_US&fs=1&

I look back at the first dentist I worked for and think of the impressionable eighteen year old I was when he hired me. I learned a lot about running a small business, about ethics, and choices. The work was just a job for me too, but the path I was on became the road to my career and the first of many lessons. Perseverance and patience, study and continually learn while you mark your time, if you don’t love your work then add something to your life that you can love (my dentist loved bass fishing) and keep goals- not just have them but keep them. And, of course, find your one thing.


© by rayannethorn


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Categories : Business, Contemplation, Ethics, Heart, Leadership, Management, Motivation, New, Personal Development, The Phoenix Infection, Thoughtful

Why We Follow – The Phoenix Infection, Part 4

3 11 2010

When I think about the leaders in my life, it is difficult to not be appreciative of the fine examples that I have had the honor of following. There certainly have been those that have brought dishonor to the role of leader, but lessons were found in those experiences, as well. And well, I crave learning. Maybe learning the hard way isn’t so much fun, but learning stimulates growth and change. And growth and change are what create the adults and professionals we become and, hopefully, drive success. It isn’t always easy but it usually is worth it.

In 1990, I worked for a children’s dentist. He had already been in practice since 1963. He loved his work and struggled with the concept of retirement. He finally retired two or three years ago but it was on his own time, under his own terms. I believe he was close to 80 years old when his office doors finally closed. He had gone to dental school in Chicago, my kind of town, and perfected his craft in the army. I think working on all those tough guys made him realize he wanted to specialize in children’s dentistry and that is where he stayed until the day he turned over his keys. I used to catch him shadow boxing and doing push-ups, as well as sit-ups between patients. One time, I asked why he always worked out, why he didn’t just take it easy and enjoy some time off. He said “There’s plenty of time for that later, I need to be in shape for the kids.”

Each of us does what we have to do, what we think needs to be done in order to succeed and sometimes, merely survive. Dr. Friedman, my hard-working dentist, wasn’t your typical leader but he was a good example; he provided for his family and for his employees, always. He wanted to be good at his job and his employees were devoted. One assistant worked for him for forty years, his office manager was with him for over twenty, I was there for over ten years. The fact that he was able to retain loyal employees says a lot about the employer he was and the work he did. He led by example. And we stayed because the work was fulfilling and we felt needed and appreciated.

Of course, not every employer makes employees feel this way. As a matter of fact, most do not. Most people do not stay with a company because of the money – they stay because they feel appreciated and they like their boss or their colleagues. Leadership doesn’t have to be sparkly or done with a big bang. It can be subtle, quiet, and even gentle, as was the case with Dr. Friedman. The rise of this Phoenix was slow and methodical, taking over forty-five years to reach the destination, the finish line.


We follow for reasons. They may seem unfulfilling or less than mighty, to begin with. But the following happens, nonetheless. Believing in reasons and not excuses, I try to remember those I chose to follow, those whose influence changed me – those whose example and attention altered my core. In the study of reasons, the lessons have more clarity and the application of what was learned becomes more native and real. Reasons are there, you just have to open your eyes to them. And with open eyes, there is clearer vision; vision to apply lessons learned and examples shared. The passing of the Phoenix Infection not only happens, it should be expected.


© by rayannethorn


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The Leader Within – The Phoenix Infection, Part Three

2 11 2010

When I was 12 years old, I ended up at a swim meet. Swimming wasn’t ever really a sport I aspired to, but I liked it and I figured with my long arms and legs, I might be pretty good at it. As it turns out, I was. My dad entered me in several races: 50 free, 100 free, 50 breast, 50 fly (I didn’t even know how to do fly), 50 back, 100 back and a medley. I ended up winning almost every race. I came home with several ribbons and a deeper love for the water than I had before. I swam in a few more meets and by the time I got to high school, I realized that freestyle and back stroke sprints were my races.

I made friends with other swimmers. One, in particular, named Susan Royer had been swimming and playing water polo with a club team since she was six or seven years old. She was amazing in the water, I was a newbie, having only swam in those few meets. I learned more from watching her and listening to her stories than from any coach or book I could have read. She was my age, she was a peer and her drive and fortitude were incredible to me. She talked me into joining the water polo team and then taught me the basics of the sport and how to do a lightening-fast pop shot.

Water polo can be a brutal sport, especially with girls…, what they got away with under water was just unbelievable. Susan was a leader on our team and within my circle of friends. Why? Because she had the experience that gave her credibility and her skill was matched by no other. She carried herself like a champion, because she was one. And she lured us each along with her to fulfill her vision and, as a result, our sophomore year brought us an undefeated team with two sophomores on the starting team (she and I). As fifteen year olds, we stood before the student body when our undefeated status was announced and we beamed. Her student leadership and constant support drove our team to greatness.

The mantle of leadership sometimes lands on the most unsuspecting of recipients. And those around, sometimes, don’t even recognize the rank that has been bestowed; it can very naturally fall upon a peer or colleague from within, before even an official title or position has been granted. Leading from within is the most organic and easily accepted paths to leadership. The parties involved rarely question this very logical choice, most don’t even recognize it has happened. In the case of my water polo team, we grew in greatness because greatness was amongst us and we followed the magnetic force that was in our midst.

The 360° Leader by John C. Maxwell marks the plight of the middle manager with no real decision-making power or the ability to implement necessary change through traditional routes within an organization. But in the telling, we learn that the middle manager, that is a natural leader or who has mastered that art, wields more power than initially thought. Growing in greatness, the strengthening of a team, and the Phoenix Infection: all endowments to a department or organization led with openness and a natural order. 

Doesn’t sound like much of a plight to me.

© by rayannethorn

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The Rising – The Phoenix Infection, Part Two

1 11 2010

There have been leaders throughout my life whom I have followed with vigor, some since junior high. My parents, of course, and then there was Mr. John Grandi, my history and drama teacher during those tortuous years. He quickly became a mentor, as many junior high teachers do for their students. Those between years mark a passage of time that can be very impressionable. My life changed quite a bit during that time: someone stole from me, a friend betrayed me, a boy held my hand, and one of my brothers passed away.     Trust lost.

It could be said that I was probably not ready for high school. I was a delightfully innocent and naive young woman. I had never seen anyone my age smoke a cigarette, let alone imbibe in alcohol or do drugs of any kind. I lived a kind of Utopian youth that I am thankful for today. Given my propensity to engage quickly and be a people pleaser, I can imagine that my life might have taken a very different turn during those years had I not had parents that were strong leaders and influential teachers like Mr. Grandi that understood the freedom a twelve- and thirteen-year old girl needed to test – it wasn’t much, believe me, for I didn’t know any better. 😉

Different phases in our lives require different types of leaders. They are not all good experiences, but those in my life have taught lessons that have altered my core, my precepts, and made a mark on either my soul or brain. That is what happens when we really learn, we change and the change may be small or even imperceptible to others, but inside – there is a difference. It may not be how we act but it might be how we react. It may not be what we do, but it might be what we think. It may not be how we respond, but it might be how we feel. Change is a direct result of learning.

My brother, Andrew, recently made a statement and asked a question in his group on facebook a few days ago and I was compelled to answer; that answer contained an idea that has been brewing in me for awhile. It is the idea of The Phoenix Infection.


Andrew Thorn: Leadership can be defined as the ability to motivate a group of people toward a common goal. How do you define leadership?


Me: A leader inspires by passionately sharing a vision and allowing participation in the creation and fruition of that vision. A leader is not bogged down by fear or jealousy. The active sharing of knowledge and the Phoenix Infection they gladly pass along define the line between leader and manager.

The Phoenix Infection is what happens when a leader is able to take you with him to fulfill his vision; you gladly join because his dream and aspirations are infectious – you, as a follower, really have no choice. The engagement is so pure, so true, that the joining is natural and fulfilling. The mythical phoenix has long held a magical place in my thinking. It represents immortality, the triumphant rising from disaster or struggle, always strategizing – looking ahead. It is a visionary with the capacity to continually re-invent itself and stimulate enthusiasm and continual motivation.


This fulfills part of my definition of a leader – a leader I can learn from.

© by rayannethorn

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The Phoenix Infection

29 10 2010

One time, I interviewed with a CEO that had me instantly wrapped around his finger with the vision of what his company could do, what it would do eventually. His technological mind had brought him much success and a significant fortune in Canada, where he had built a couple of tech companies to a point where they could both be sold for a considerable profit. He had an idea for another company but wanted to expand into the United States. He landed in Silicon Valley for a time and then relocated to Newport Beach, where he ventured into university technologies and was able to gather the funding necessary to build yet another company.


Needless to say, I joined his company and loved it from the minute I started. He was an incredible visionary. He quoted Peter Senge and Everett Rogers and John Wooden. He loved to see the sparks when great minds worked together and made that entrepreneurial magic happen. He led with what we all believed were strong ethics and a design for company greatness. I loved hiring folks to join our company. I loved hooking them with company culture and what a great opportunity it was. Then, September 2007 happened and life, as we had known it, started to change.

My requisitions began to constantly be altered, offered salaries began to drop. The phone company called and threatened an admin assistant that they would shut off services and remove all the phones. Somehow an agreement was reached that kept our phones live each month. I knew that my position was threatened, but I believed “our visionary, our leader.” I wanted to believe forever but the writing on the walls became clearer and I knew I needed to look for another job. If hiring ceased completely, what need would there be for a Manager of Recruitment?

And yet, I still believed in the company vision and the company mission. That is what kept me loving my work and why it was so hard for me to take another job…, but my gut kept telling me it was time. I took another position after deliberating for two months. I guess I was hoping for a miracle that Christmas, but 2007 held no miracles. I left without much fanfare, my two-week notice was ignored and I was immediately escorted out of the building with my two boxes.  I began to hear stories, dreadful stories of deceit and ruin. Our beloved leader, our visionary, had led us down a fake, primrose path.

He had lied, he had cheated, he had stolen from us. Money, hope, dreams, and trust. He took it all. Why did we buy in? Because we believed in a plan, we followed a charismatic leader that seemed to know what he was talking about – we believed because we wanted to. I learned many lessons, we all did. Mostly, I learned that great leadership is more than someone talking you into something, it is more than the talent of coercion. But interestingly enough, greatness rose around the rotten core we all had been drawn to. Others that worked there have grown their own companies, or gone on to better careers, or finished school, or joined growing companies – taking with them, with us, more than simple life lessons. We have taken with us complex business lessons of ethics and intricate thought processes. And we were touched by greatness, even if it failed, we had been part of something great.

And though we had been hurt and it had been risky, we wanted more.

©by rayannethorn


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